CASE 00 // THREAT LEVEL: UNCLEAR
SMALL DOG. BLUB.
Nobody trained him. Nobody could.
$ BLUB ◆ THREAT LEVEL UNCLEAR ◆ LAST SEEN IN THE BACKROOMS
do not approach. do not offer snacks. SIGHTING #04 / SUB-BASEMENT LEVEL B
CASE 00 // THREAT LEVEL: UNCLEAR
Nobody trained him. Nobody could.
$ BLUB ◆ THREAT LEVEL UNCLEAR ◆ LAST SEEN IN THE BACKROOMS
do not approach. do not offer snacks. SIGHTING #04 / SUB-BASEMENT LEVEL B
No leash has held. No training has worked. Blub operates on pure impulse — he has ridden a scooter he cannot legally drive, climbed onto an ice cream cone for reasons unknown, and made direct, unblinking eye contact with a burger that was not his.
Field note: subject becomes visibly offended when told to calm down.
He will take it by force. See: Exhibit B.
He climbed up there himself. He will not explain.
He is fine. Somehow.
“AM I CUTE? A) YES B) A C) B”
SOURCE: SUBJECT HIMSELF // CONFIDENCE: SUSPICIOUSLY HIGH
preferred vantage point
UNEXPLAINED
CONTRACT ADDRESS: pending case number
Phantom, or any Solana wallet. No training required — unlike him.
Buy it on an exchange, send it to your wallet.
Head to stonkfun.xyz, paste the contract address, and accept the chaos.
CASE 03 // PUBLIC ACCESS TERMINAL
Follow the sightings, enter the file, or hold the bag before it disappears again.
BLUB · small dog, big problem · not financial advice